I am free!!!

Wow, I can't believe it. Finally I am free from exams, studying, writing papers, reading books I really didn't want to read in the first place, and even...believe it or not...shopping!!!!!

I had my last final a week ago. Imagine, if you will, being asked, in the space of two and a half hours, to write three essays on the relationships between and among the theories and viewpoints of John Henry Cardinal Newman, Charles Darwin, and Matthew Arnold. FUN! It actually wasn't that bad; we had fun, because our professor is a fun person. Just after we started the exam, he was handed a sheaf of papers on which were the results of the final exams of another class he'd just finished teaching. He immediately began perusing them at length, and started shaking his head after just a few moments.

"If you got a 34 on your final exam, would you kill yourself?" he asked in a hushed voice (whether due to the fact that we were taking an exam or to the fact that the student had gotten such a low grade, I don't know).

The entire class started snickering at his comment.

"I mean, really," he went on. "Well, I guess this student and I will be seeing a lot of each other next semester -- and whether he wants to or not, since it's a required class. I really didn't want to see him, either, so the feeling's mutual."

Half the class was scribbling madly, and half were reclining in their seats laughing silently (0r almost silently). I was one of the latter, ashamed though I am to say it.

After a few minutes of silence, he shook his head again in bemused disbelief. "Listen to this," he began, and we laughed, knowing something funny would be forthcoming. He had asked some question about Russian history; the choices for the answers were, I think, Peter the Great, Boromir from Lord of the Rings (he's a huge fan), Ivan the Terrible, and John Calvinski (obviously a made-up name borrowed from the illustrious John Calvin). The student picked the last as his answer to the question.

The class roared with laughter at that one, even those who were still trying to scribble away at their essays (the rest of us had given up trying to write and were simply enjoying the wit of Dr Scott).

After another pause, Dr Scott looked up with a slightly ashamed gleam in his eye but an amused twist to his mouth. "I should not have told you all that. That was not very nice. It's not compatible with the ethics statement of our Christian college. I am very sorry and I will try to restrain myself."

We snickered.

"But really," he went on after taking a breath, and we all laughed.

"No, I'm not going to say any more," he sighed.

The students exchanged glances of private, knowing amusement. Some of us began glancing at the clock to try to guess the approximate time of the next outburst.

"Honestly, now -- " he began a few minutes later, and roars of honest mirth sounded throughout the small room.

Finally he was able to quell his urge to blurt out what other ridiculous answers the student had written down. We were very close to finishing the exam when suddenly he whimpered, "I'm hungry. I need General Tsou's chicken! I think I may faint if I don't get General Tsou's chicken from the China Prince within the next half hour!"

Now, this is a hulking great bear of a man, 6 feet 3 inches tall (1.905 metres?) and built like a football player. The idea of him begging for General Tsou's chicken was not an idea we could resist laughing at. The pathetic whine in which he delivered his entreaty was even more entertaining.

He looked at us all with a half-defiant, half-pleading gaze. "Call the restaurant," I encouraged him, glancing up from my muddled mess of ideas that were sort of related to the exam.

He whipped out his cellular phone. "OK. OK, I will." So he called and ordered General Tsou's chicken, then snapped his phone shut. Suddenly apprehensive, he looked at us again. "You won't cheat, right? Well, you can't cheat. How can you?"

He was right. It was an open-book exam; how could we possibly cheat?

So with another bit of urging, he took off like a rocket out the door, heading for the nearby China Prince and General Tsou's chicken. Then he stuck his head back in. "If the dean walks in, by any chance, tell him I felt weak and that I stepped out for a minute and that I'll be right back. Because it's true! If I don't get General Tsou's chicken, I will be very, very weak! And I will be right back."

He was as good as his word; within minutes he was back with his precious General Tsou's chicken, happy as a lark. He even brought fortune cookies for all of us who were still taking the exam! What a nice professor!

From there I went on to write seven solid pages of literature interpretation for my next exam. After that, I felt as if I'd need to have my hand replaced with a steel hook. IT HURT!!!! For the next three days, I couldn't do much of anything with my right hand. *sob*

LOL! What a big baby I am. But five straight hours of exams during which one must write essays? Well, I did choose to be an English major! ;)

So, brave readers, how are you all? SFL, are you happy now? This finally gives you something new to mull over. I am very sorry for torturing you by not posting. You will be happy to know that I am finally done with school for a few weeks and therefore you shall be treated to more posts than you have had in the recent past.

Yay!!!! I'M FREE!!! (Well, until January 9, anyway...)