Spring is hard on worms...

Spring here in NY is very hard on the worm population. They get flooded out multiple times during spring rains; their homes are all under water, so they wriggle their way out as fast as possible and lie squirming on the wet sidewalk. A lucky few make it to higher ground, but the rest either drown in puddles along the way or are stepped on by a remorseless human (or if they are particularly unfortunate, many remorseless humans).

"I'm truly sorry," said Robert Burns in To A Mouse, "man's dominion has broken nature's social union."

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Well, that was random. Here I sit at the library waiting for a patron to meander up here ready to check out.

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OK, just checked out two. Now here I sit again. Yay. Have I mentioned how much I adore Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman? Well, I do. I love that it explores important life issues. I love that it features a strong female lead character (and other strong secondary female characters). I love that even though it's got a feminist slant, most of the male characters are still strong, brave, and likable. I love the clothing and the hairstyles, and that even though they don't nail historical accuracy 100%, at least they tried! That says a lot! I love that they accurately portray White/American Indian relations. I love that there are so many pretty people to look at!! LOL!

My parents and I have made our way through the entire six-season series, and just finished last night. We haven't watched the movies yet, but they're on their way from eBay. Can't wait! I hope Daniel is in there SOMEWHERE (Sheriff Daniel Simon, played by John Schneider, whom I have adored since I was quite young). These last few eps of DQMW were a bit disappointing in that Daniel was nowhere to be seen; supposedly he was off in Manitou doing something important. Then again, they didn't really know that they were going to end the show at season six -- it was cancelled rather suddenly, so I've heard.

As the credits rolled after the last ep last night, my mum began clapping. I fell over on the couch toward my mum's lap and mock-sobbed, and she stroked my head in consolation.

LOL.

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So anyway, here comes the rant. You knew it was coming, right? This time it's not about the retail world. Man, I want to get out of retail so badly...*ahem.* This particular rant is about library patrons who think it's the circulation desk workers' job to provide free therapy. And about patrons who are quite obviously doing some kind of illegal drugs when they come into the library.

Whoo-ee...strange people, folks, straaaaaange people live in this world. For instance, yesterday this woman came into the library, picked out a couple of movies, and came up to the circ desk to check out. She had black spiky hair and red lipstick on. Unfortunately, she got the lipstick everywhere but her lips. Seriously.

And as I was checking out her movies, she muttered something that sounded like, "Not me, thing....oh...I know, yeah, have at Gates..."

I looked askance at her. "I'm sorry?" I asked politely.

Her eyes, complete with dilated pupils, snapped up toward mine and held my gaze. "NO!" she blurted.

What? I thought.

"No," she went on, slurring her words, "no, that was not MEANT for YOU!"

"I'm sorry," I said again, this time with entirely different meaning.

Wow, what was that?

*takes deep breath to reassure self*

Then there was the fellow who had to grab onto the side of the circ desk counter to keep from falling over and insisted, in an extremely inebriated voice, that he was GOING to give me a dollar to buy myself a cup of coffee. I kept politely but firmly returning his dollar to him and saying that I couldn't possibly take it but thank you very much anyway.

EEEEEEKKKK!

*blinks in a very freaked-out manner*

Haha, I love it when patrons come into the library carrying materials they're returning and the alarm goes off.

They walk in, carrying bags or armloads of things.

*BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!!!!!*

It never fails; they ALWAYS look at us with wide-eyed amazement.

"Is that ME???" they exclaim in incredulity.

"Yeeeeees," we drone, "it's you. But don't worry. We're not going to jump the desk and come after you. You're bringing things back, not checking them out."

"But what's making it DO that??"

"Did you take the cards out of the pockets in the front of the books?"

"No! I would never!"

"All righty then, did you perhaps put the videos in their cases upside down?"

"I couldn't possibly have...could I?"

Together we open up their video cases and discover that all the videos but one are upside down and three of the books are missing their cards. One, upon further investigation, has the card in the middle of the book as a bookmark.

"Oh. Oh. I must have..." *patron blushes redly* "I must have forgotten. And now that I think about it, I know my son must have taken the cards out of the other two. He's four and he's really quite inquisitive. I really must speak to him about that."

The same thing happens with fines.

"Just to let you know, you have six dollars and 25 cents in fines on your card."

"WHAT??? Really? Truly? What on earth for?"

"The fines were for movies brought back a few days late -- Million Dollar Baby, De-Lovely, the complete first season of Firefly, LoveActually, and Bridget Jones' Diary."

"WHAT?? Million Dollar Baby? Bridget Jones' Diary?" (tones of righteous indignation) "I have never checked out those movies in my life!"

"Do you know why they would be on your account then?"

"No! I have no idea! It's not possible!" (overtones of outrage)

"Could someone else have used your account to check them out? A family member with access to your card, perhaps?"

"Oooooohhhhhh...wait a minute. Million Dollar Baby and Bridget Jones' Diary, did you say?"

(Sigh.) "Yes, those are the ones."

"I...I just bet you anything that my -- yes, it must have been my cousin Janie. Oh, that girl. Oh, what am I going to do with her? Well, since she took them out, I'll have her pay you back the next time she comes in. Is that all right?"

"Well, your fines need to be under five dollars before we're allowed to let you check anything else out."

"Well, I wasn't the one who took out the movies, so I shouldn't have to pay!" (full-fledged outrage now)

"You'll have to get the money back from your cousin, but it does have to be under five dollars for today."

"But! But! But! I can't even check out ONE movie?"

"Sorry about that..."

"Oh! This is so BOGUS!" (storming out in a fit of rage)

Then you have the patrons who see fit to discuss politics at the circ desk in a VERY LOUD voice, using all kinds of expletives, until confronted by a frustrated, low-browed yours truly.

"I'm tellin' ya, that *&@!& idiot Bush is gonna ruin the whole &$#%*! economy unless we do somethin' about it RIGHT NOW!"

"Sir! Could you watch your language, please?"

(grunts of disgust and indignation) "I'm usin' English, *&^%$ it!"

"Yes, you certainly are! Sir, this is a library and there are children here! Do you want them to hear what you are saying?!"

"@#%&*#@!" (patron mutters as he waddles toward exit)

Then there are the patrons who are completely dumbfounded when they hear that we actually need their cards to check out books to them.

One woman barrelled up to the counter the other day and began unloading her voluminous bag, which turned out to be full of books on tape. As she was dumping them out, she noticed that I just stood there instead of checking the items out to her.

"What are you WAITING on?" she blustered. "My CARD??"

Gosh, lady, don't know why on earth you'd think I needed your LIBRARY CARD! I mean, this is the LIBRARY; we should know all of our thousands of patrons by name and have their card numbers memorised! Good gracious, what was I thinking?

"Um, yep, I do just happen to need your card," I sang out, falsely cheerful and obliging.

Snorting in disdain, she rummaged around in her voluminous purse and finally pulled it out, muttering something that sounded like, "The nerve!"

Then there are the patrons who think that not only do we know their names and card numbers, we must also know what books they request to be brought in from other libraries and placed on our hold shelves for them.

"HI!" they screech as they blunder excitedly up to the counter. "Um, my book finally came in! I'm so PSYCHED!"

When I don't jump up with alacrity and grab it off the shelf right away, they become very helpful.

"You know, it's Hot Six by Janet Evanovich?"

"Uh-huh. I need your card, please."

"I got a call that said it was in! It should be right on the shelf there! You remember me. My name's Zydekiane Louise Giovannini!"

(Patient sigh.) "I need your card, please."

"Oh. OK." (tones of longsuffering and resignation)

Ah, the interesting things with which we circ desk people must deal. I love it. :D Don't for one minute think I don't love this job just because of the cuckoo-heads that come in here. It's awesome!

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Well, that's all for now, folks. Can't think of anything else to rant about or discuss. Until next post!