LISTEN!!!!!!, or, a Real and True Exchange Between a Library Patron and Me on this Thirtieth Day of June, the Year of Our Lord 2009

Woman Approaching Circulation Desk: Excuse me.

Me: Yes?

Woman: I have a question.

Me: Yes?

Woman: I need directions.

Me: OK, but --

Woman: Coming from West Henrietta Rd....

Me: Gee, you know, I'm really not the one you want to help you with directions. I would be no help at all. But I'm sure the children's librarian would be --

Woman: I'm just looking to get to Rose Rd.

Me: Honestly, I really have no idea where that might be. But if you venture toward that room right over there and ask the lady behind the desk, I'm almost sure she would know. She's --

Woman: OK. Fine.

This woman, like so many others I have known who frequent public libraries, had perfected what I call the SLS -- the Snort/Laugh/Sigh. This very eloquent emission expresses the following: 1). amazement that a public "librarian" could be so boorishly rude and uncaring, 2). disbelief at the horrible way in which s/he is being treated -- at a public library, no less, where every staff member must of course know the answer to every question and never have to refer to someone more qualified -- and 3). resignment to the fact that they have just been blown off, by a public "librarian," and must resort to -- gasp! -- asking a second person in this terrible place staffed by unhelpful cretins to find the answer to their all-important question (which, of course, would be far, FAR too difficult to find on their own and should NEVER be looked up on a computer, of all things -- imagine!).

I wanted desperately to call the woman back over to me and say something along the lines of, "Ma'am, I'm getting the feeling that you don't quite believe me. If I gave you directions, and you followed them, you would most likely end up in Philadelphia. However, I'd be more than happy to provide you with directions if you would like me to do so. That way, perhaps Philadelphia would gain a brand-new library patron! How joyous! And that way, you would never need to deal with such a horrible library as this one, ever again! Think of the benefits! Now, just let me get a piece of paper, and I'll jot down those directions for you. I'm sure I can find a Rose Rd. in Philadelphia or its nearby environs..."

I never thought working at a library would make me despise people quite this much. Alas.