Questioning.

No, the title doesn't mean you're (or I'm) going to be hauled in to police headquarters for questioning. Although I probably should be. But even if I were, I wouldn't know the answers to any questions.

That's what this post is about. I'm questioning things. Maybe I should have titled it In Search of Answers.

I need to find a good book that explains what Christians are to do when they're forced by outside occurrences to question things they once thought were pretty much set in stone. Can anyone recommend one? I don't even know how to go about searching for one. What would I look up? Christian ethical dilemmas? Moral quandaries? How to figure out why people aren't who you thought they were?

My pastor says that aside from your relationship with God, little else matters except your relationships with other people, and you're to cultivate them and care for them with utmost effort.

But what if the people you've spent so much time with over the past years turn out to be different people than you thought?

Oh, I don't mean they've been hiding their true personalities and all of a sudden turn out to be violent serial killers when all along you thought they were sweet little lambs. I don't mean that. I just mean that sometimes when you find out what kinds of choices people make, you end up kind of shocked.

Like when you get to know someone you think is sweet, caring, and good, and then find out she's got four children by several different men, is not married, and is currently in a relationship with a married man (and yes, she's fully aware of the fact) who is the father of her latest two kids.

I know a lot of people today don't seem to have a problem with a lifestyle like that. In fact, a lot of Christians don't have a problem with it. I do, though. And I know the Lord wouldn't smile upon it.

Let's not even get into the whole "judge not" issue. That is a discussion for a different day. My problem is this: if I wilfully associate with people who do not share my convictions, is there not a good chance that I'll lose my grasp on who I am? Who I have chosen to be?

I can hear the responses I would get to that if I dared voice this anywhere but my blog..."Maybe your way is wrong then, if you're so easily swayed. Maybe YOU'VE got the wrong ideas, the wrong convictions. Expand your horizons and let other viewpoints into your life. Don't be so narrow-minded."

To these arguments I simply say, "If you've got the right to your opinion, I've got the right to mine."

All of that aside...

Aren't people who make what I would call "sinful" choices supposed to stand out? Aren't they supposed to display some sort of earmark -- like being mean to old people or kicking puppies?

What???

They're....not??

What's a poor clueless average person not blessed with supernatural divining powers to do?

How are we supposed to choose who we associate with when they all seem sweet and nice in spite of their lifestyle choices? Then, once they've become part of your life (even just through workplace interaction), how are you supposed to draw a line between their world and yours when they want the two to intersect?

I mean, it's easy enough to know what to say when they want you to go drinking and clubbing with them. Duh. NO. Not something I do. Thanks anyway.

But what if they just want to "hang out" or invite you over for lunch or a baby shower or something equally innocuous? Then what?

Your spending time with them is seen by them and others as approving their behavior, or at least tolerating it, when the truth is that you cannot in all honesty either approve OR tolerate it.

By saying nothing to them, are you tacitly approving? Or does that fall under the heading of "living your life a different way so you can witness silently"?

Rather than helping untwist the cords of this mess, writing about it is making it seem even more knotty and difficult. Grrr.

Again, if anyone knows of any books on the subject (other than the Bible, of course), I'd gladly take recommendations.

Thanks for listening, y'all.