Memorable Quotes

Woo...the first week of classes is over! And I survived. Kind of.

I have here for your reading pleasure some of my professors' most memorable quotes from this first week of my last semester. Enjoy.

"You will sometimes disagree with me. We will read The Rime of the Ancient Mariner and I may say something you think is all washed up." -Dr Van de Brakk in my English Literature class.

"This guy named Christian wakes up one day and finds himself in the City of Destruction. The City of Destruction is going to be destroyed, believe it or not." -Dr Van de Brakk, trying to encourage us to read The Pilgrim's Progress for English Lit.

"One of my friends was getting married and had a stag party. Now I do not approve of scantily-clad women jumping out of cakes. Why ruin a good cake?" -Dr Harley telling us a story from his youth, during our Hemingway class.

"Picture a Plains Indian leading a horse carrying a scalped cowboy into Dodge City to take care of him." -Dr Dayer attempting to simplify the story of the Good Samaritan for us poor unenlightened mortals (New Testament).

"Bad, evil Indians!" -Dr Van de Brakk's sarcastic comment regarding the stereotypical view of American Indians in the dime novels of the Old West during the 19th century (for Adolescent Literature).

"OK, so how many different ways can you arrange four playing cards? That's right, 24. And now, if you take three cards out of the four, how many ways can you arrange those three cards? Absolutely right, 24!" -Dr Shessey during our class entitled The Nature of Math. This one requires a long and complicated explanation and it was a trick question besides. I don't like math. But it is a good quote, ay?

"When you see a snake in your yard, is it a good idea to get a mongoose to kill it? Well, maybe. But then you've got to live with the mongoose!" -Dr Dayer characterising the nature of the Roman army.

"Romans lost battles, but they didn't lose wars. That's why they lasted for 1000 years! They might take a blow or two, but...Maximus Decimus Meridius, they just kept on going!" -Dr Dayer, again characterising the nature of the Romans.

At that point in class, I just burst out laughing and had to clap a hand over my mouth to quiet myself because people were looking at me strangely. I went up to him afterward and told him that that quote was going to go on my blog. He laughed and said his family had a tradition of reciting the whole "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius..." speech.

Hmmm...let me see if I can get it right.

The scene starts after the re-enacted Battle of Carthage, in which the gladiators beat the Legionnaires when the opposite was actually supposed to happen. Commodus, the man named after a toilet (no, I'm kidding), decides that a meeting with the "hero" who kept the gladiators together and led them to victory might be just the thing to cap off a delightful afternoon of carnage.

Maximus bows low as Commodus approaches, fishing around in the sand for the broken-off tip of an arrow so that he can jump up and kill Commodus as soon as he gets close enough.

"Rise! Rise!" Commodus gestures, loving the adulation he thinks he's getting at this point.

Maximus is disappointed when young Lucius, daughter of Commodus' sister Lucilla, runs up to join his uncle.

"You fight well, Spaniard," says Commodus (I think?). "I don't think there has ever been a gladiator to match you. And as for this young man," he continues, indicating Lucius, "he insists you are Hector reborn. Or was it Hercules? Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name?" (Side note: apparently Commodus had a problem with consistency...)

"My name is Gladiator," Maximus says in a dark growl that sends a shiver down my spine every time I hear it. He is hoping that Commodus will be satisfied with that answer and leave him alone. But then he does the unthinkable and turns away from Commodus (kinda dumb if he wanted to stay incognito).

"Slave!" Commodus screeches, pushing Lucius away from him. "How DARE you show your back to me!"

Anyway, long story short (because I don't remember all the dialogue), Maximus is forced to remove his helmet, which leaves him with a bad case of helmet hair. I'm not kidding! Watch the movie and you'll see what I mean -- for about two seconds he looks exactly like a murderous version of The Little Rascals' Alfalfa. Of course, the hair/makeup people fixed it, and in the very next frame his hair is once again perfect and glistening.

He intones, with a dark glare at Commodus, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife...and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

Commodus, by then, looks as if someone had just smacked him in the face with a three-days-dead carp from Hamlin Beach.

The crowd is cheering, "Live! Live! Live! Live!" in order to persuade Commodus to give the gladiators the thumbs-up and let them live (though I read somewhere that the signals were actually reversed -- if it were a thumbs-up, that meant the gladiators would die, whereas if they got a thumbs-down, they'd live to fight another day, poor things).

Commodus, ridiculously, puts a finger to his lips to try to shush the crowd. (Yeah...don't think that's gonna work.) They keep chanting, so Commodus gives the gladiators a thumbs-up with an expression on his face that says he can't believe he's doing it.

LOL...I love it. It's funny, too -- whenever somebody brings up Russell Crowe, people kind of scrinch up their noses, look all hyper-critical, and say, "Oh, yeah, that Gladiator guy. Jeez, he needs to grow up. What a [insert insulting word or phrase here]."

People! Gladiator came out in 2000, OK? It's 2006 and RC is now a husband and a father, well on his way to becoming more mature than he was six years ago (despite any jokes you may hear about telephones). Get over it and move on -- he has!

Ahem. OK. I'm done. Really.

Good grief, how did I get on this subject again?

;)